The Placement of My Heart
Photograph by Natalie Silver
By Jenn Ashton
Forgive me if you think I'm laughing at you. It's because the heart emoji is right beside the hysterical laughing face, and sometimes I accidentally click on the face, or my finger does rather, but I swear to gosh if your dog has just died I'm not laughing at you, the same way I know you're not laughing at me if I write or post something heartfelt. Of course, it's a bit shocking at first, but I know what you meant.
Initially, I was angry because why the heck are those two emojis placed side by side? But the more I thought about it, I thought that maybe it was just for us to see on some subliminal level that laughter should go right beside our heart. It should be in an easy-to-reach place for when we need it, to break the ice or help us feel better, because what's better than a heartfelt, guttural laugh that brings tears to our eyes and sore abs? So if your parent passes, please don't be shocked at the accidental placement of my laugh emoji, if you do see it before I manage to change it to the heart, it's because I hope that you can remember the good times and maybe have a laugh at some point down the road.
And forgive me if on your list of Happy Birthday messages you get part of my shopping list.
It's because sometimes I copy and paste the words “Happy Birthday” as I am posting down my row of friends who have their birthdays together on a particular day. Or more specifically, it's because the copy portion of my “copy and paste” didn't work, most likely due to the fact that it's dark in here in the mornings and my keyboard is no longer backlit, coupled with the other fact that I still look at my hands as I type and make a lot of mistakes. I'm also sorry if your message is the line of a sad poem I'm working on, a rant I didn't want anybody to see, or a list of dog medications, symptoms or a description of fecal composition that I'm writing out for the vet.
Please laugh if you see this and know that it was unintentional, and feel free to delete it, but please don't delete the feeling that came with it, because every birthday that I comment on, I actually do stop and think about you. I think about how we met and what you're doing right now, the last time I saw you, if ever, and what we share if we have only met online. I imagine I'm sending you love, a hug and a smile, and I hope you receive it; so please don't take it the wrong way if you instead read something about dog vomit, just know that I'm thinking about you on your special day.
Jenn Ashton is an Award-winning author and visual artist living in North Vancouver, B.C., Canada. She is currently completing a book about the history of her First Nations family in Vancouver and is a Teaching Assistant in The Writer’s Studio at Simon Fraser University, where she is helping others learn how to tell their stories. You can find her works at: www.JenniferAshton.ca.
