The Gradience of Love
By Alesha Boles
Loving Yourself: A Journey
I want to love myself
because nobody knows what I want like I do
I want to love myself
But most days I hide to keep myself from view
I want to love myself
in every way I imagined you would
I want to love myself
But looking inside and out,
I am unable to find anything good
I want to love myself
I want to be at that point
But the months turn to seasons,
and it like a chore to appoint
I want to love myself
Yet I’m soaked in my own judgement
A lifetime of hatred
Loving myself is an adjustment
I want to love myself
But it will be a lifelong journey
So I’ll let the road ahead take me away
Because I am all I have at the end of the day
Hard Candy
Your words
The sweetest sounds
Like hard candy melting on my tongue
Savouring every syllable
Your voice
Thick honey pouring from your mouth
Please let me taste so that I may understand you better
We pull out every detail we can from our lives
Wanting to try every flavor
even if sour
I just want a taste of you
Carry the Weight
I talk to you
like I don’t know you
Like you haven’t loved me for years
Like the hands holding me together are the ones that betrayed me
I hate you sometimes
For the power I’ve given you
The pain you could cause me
The lies you could tell
But you don’t
I know I force you to carry the weight of everyone else’s mistakes
I know it must be tiring for you to love me some days
When you finally rest your heavy eyes at night
So blissful
Holding me while you drift
But always unsure as to what part of me you will be waking to
Please just know
Even though, there are as many bad days as there are good
I still want you in all of them
Needy
The confidence that you do not touch me with
But with complete neediness,
you grab my hands to place on your body
I am feeding an endless hunger in you
While I am going hungry myself
I gave you everything and now keep nothing
I am starving
And only you can feed me
If I was someone else,
someone better,
would you give more?
All I have ever craved was everything in you
Thoughts While You Sleep
I laid with you asleep on my arm
Staring at your soft face
I knew you would never harm
I laid with you between my legs
I know that you answered
what I had begged
I fell asleep with your arms around my waist
It was the first time I could rest and really feel safe
I wouldn’t have been in a hurry if I had known
That you would bring me so much patience
I keep all of our words and moments in my head
I replay all of your moves
I am so engulfed in all that you do
I am so happy I am here with you
Art
Hands on me
Hands on you
We are not leaving this apartment
Not today
Paint me with your mouth
Mold me out of clay
You are the only one who has had me this way
Make me your canvas
For you, I’m on display
I know everything you want
No need to say
I’ll be thinking about the art we made all day
Alesha works a day job as a receptionist at a law firm, but writes poetry on the side to feed her creative soul. She recently enrolled in the Federico Beauty Institute’s Cosmetology program to pursue her dreams of becoming a beautician. Besides writing, she also loves to paint and cook. Alesha currently lives in Sacramento with her fiancé and two cats.
